“We’re the most unlucky people in the world,” says my 10yo. “Not only did we loose a child once, we lost children TWICE!”
But we are not unlucky, and we are no victims. Although what have these potential adoptions turned out unfortunate for us. Last year we were in the process of adopting a sibling set of three little girls, the parents didn’t get their act together and therefore they were looking for a permanent place for the girls. But when the girls started living with us, the birth home situation started progressing. And after 6 months we lost the girls, our girls we felt.
This time we got a little baby girl, the situation seemed like she was an orphan, no family members. But 5 months into it, suddenly there were a lot of family members. Everything changed. She was our daughter, there was no question about it. However she was their family.
After 7.5 months we had to let her go.
That was yesterday.
And it hurts.
Like a bad heart break.
It reminds me of me being hurt when my sister passed away. But this time our boys are big, they know what’s going on and they also have their heart broken.
The weird thing is, that we have been in this situation before. 9 years ago, we were the family members that took a baby from a foster family. The situation was very different. At the time the social workers immediately placed the child in a foster home, without taking a look at the family situation. Through court, my parents-in-law eventually got the baby out of the foster home and eventually in our home. He is amazing and we can’t imagine our life without him. Were we lucky then?
Yesterday our baby girl moved out, our hearts are broken. We are mending them with tears. Lots of tears. And chocolate. And all those mind numbing activities that distract our family from our pain, like eating out, shopping and video games.
Yesterday wasn’t a good day. We lost our baby, our daughter, our sister. We lost our future with her. We lost our joy. Our cheer-me-up. Our unconditional love. Our sweet petite. Our love.
The hurt is now here.
The pain is here.
The heart break.
But we have to move forward.
I have to move forward.
We need to learn to look back with gratitude and joy. To be thankful for a time that a tiny little baby girl made us very happy for 7 months. And that we gave her a safe and happy home in which she could flourish to be a strong & healthy baby girl.
Our love muscles have been stretched and hurt. Now there is a time for us to heal and be close together as a family. Create our own experiences again with the five of us. To be strong for each other, to support one another, and to love each other.
We will never forget our little baby girl who enriched our hearts for 7 months.
We are the most lucky people in the world.