The most unlucky people in the world

“We’re the most unlucky people in the world,” says my 10yo. “Not only did we loose a child once, we lost children TWICE!”

I cry.

Gray Beschuit met MuisjesBut we are not unlucky, and we are no victims. Although what have these potential adoptions turned out unfortunate for us. Last year we were in the process of adopting a sibling set of three little girls, the parents didn’t get their act together and therefore they were looking for a permanent place for the girls. But when the girls started living with us, the birth home situation started progressing. And after 6 months we lost the girls, our girls we felt.

This time we got a little baby girl, the situation seemed like she was an orphan, no family members. But 5 months into it, suddenly there were a lot of family members. Everything changed. She was our daughter, there was no question about it. However she was their family.

After 7.5 months we had to let her go.

That was yesterday.

And it hurts.

Like a bad heart break.

It reminds me of me being hurt when my sister passed away. But this time our boys are big, they know what’s going on and they also have their heart broken.

The weird thing is, that we have been in this situation before. 9 years ago, we were the family members that took a baby from a foster family. The situation was very different. At the time the social workers immediately placed the child in a foster home, without taking a look at the family situation. Through court, my parents-in-law eventually got the baby out of the foster home and eventually in our home. He is amazing and we can’t imagine our life without him. Were we lucky then?

Yesterday our baby girl moved out, our hearts are broken. We are mending them with tears. Lots of tears. And chocolate. And all those mind numbing activities that distract our family from our pain, like eating out, shopping and video games.

Yesterday wasn’t a good day. We lost our baby, our daughter, our sister. We lost our future with her. We lost our joy. Our cheer-me-up. Our unconditional love. Our sweet petite. Our love.

The hurt is now here.

The pain is here.

The heart break.

But we have to move forward.

I have to move forward.

We need to learn to look back with gratitude and joy. To be thankful for a time that a tiny little baby girl made us very happy for 7 months. And that we gave her a safe and happy home in which she could flourish to be a strong & healthy baby girl.

Our love muscles have been stretched and hurt. Now there is a time for us to heal and be close together as a family. Create our own experiences again with the five of us. To be strong for each other, to support one another, and to love each other.

We will never forget our little baby girl who enriched our hearts for 7 months.

We are the most lucky people in the world.

  • Marieke –

    I will continue to pray for you and your family during these rough times. My heart and tears go out to you as this must’ve been such a hard thing to deal with.


  • My tears flow as I read your words….Such love, such eloquence, such compassion – all that you are, sweet Marieke. I’ve followed your journey, only recently, as the love resonates on so many levels. The love of a mother, love of a parent, love of family, there are no words to describe its intensity at times.

    Each moment we breathe, each moment we cherish the memories, each moment we move that much further. Thank you for sharing such an important part of your life, for allowing us to partake in the goodness of you and your family.

    With gratitude,

  • Girl, you guys are all so brave! You go into this with your hearts wide open, vulnerable and ready to love. What makes you so remarkable is you’re not afraid to let it all come crashing down because you know that you can’t get the sweetest moments without being that open. What a wonderful example you set for your kids. I’m so sorry this is happening to you guys and I know it’s going to make you even more courageous. Rock on, my friend. The Universe has many more awesome things in store for you!

  • Very touching Marieke. My sincere cheering thoughts are with you. I am impressed by the grateful outlook you project onto this unfortunate and saddening situation.

    Bon courage!

  • I can’t even begin to imagine the pain. I fear adoption for this very reason, but I know it’s also the most beautiful, selfless thing a person can do, and I contemplate it every day. I am praying for you and your family. Please know you are an inspiration!!

  • Carolynn Santaniello

    Soon sorry for you and your family. As painful as it is, what a wonderful gift you gave her – your love. Love to you all….

  • Virginia Sandfer

    Marieke – As a mother, I feel your pain and can only imagine what you’re feeling. I know your boys and how loving they are and how present they are with their lives, so I know they must be so heartbroken. I’m sending happy thoughts to you all. I hope that Emma will continue to get the love and care you showed for her. xoxo